Competition is a destructive force in society.
I completely agree that competition is a destructive force in society. I feel this way because I know from personal experience how people treat you when they are focused on competition. They are rude, they are all about money, and they are not team players.
I worked as a volunteer at the local elementary school. I volunteered there because I wanted to get some experience working with children. My duties were to help coaches with the basketball tryout. Parents came in the gym yelling and screaming because their child was sitting down. They bumped into you without even saying "excuse me." They never said any kind words to you. I feel that competition is indeed a destructive force because the people are rude.
Secondly, people are all about money when they are focused on competition. Every day you see the corrupt things people do for money. The parents slipped money to the coaches. The coaches added children to the team that never came to practice. I also saw children who played well removed because they didn't have money. It made me feel awful. I hated volunteering.
The third reason competition is a destructive force in society is that people are not team players. They kept the ball so no one could score. If you where not in their clique, then you never got to play. They never made you part of anything. The coaches never stressed why team work was important. People just didn't care. It was all about them and nothing else.
It is because of these things that I feel that competition is a destructive force in society. I learned a lot from volunteering. The most important thing I learned that people are rude, are all about money, and are not team players. If I had not volunteered, I would not have known why becoming a teacher is important to me.
Your posting did not specify what assistance you require with the essay that you wrote. It is clear that the subject in the instruction, competition is a destructive force in society, has been clearly articulated in your essay. You provided a good introduction sentence, three paragraphs each containing one of your reasons supporting why you believe that competition is a destructive societal force, and a strong concluding paragraph summing up your reasoning. There appears to be no flaw in the examples, logic and reasoning contained in your essay. You did a good job there.
I can suggest that you review any formatting specifications that your instructor requires before submitting your essay.
I found only some proofreading errors with your essay. In your opening sentences I suggested adding the additional phrase to clarify meaning only - it was not an error. Your second paragraph contained no errors. The first error in the third paragraph needed an "s" to make things plural. The second error involved the pronoun used to replace the noun children - it needed to be plural, as the word children is plural. I believe the period after well was a typographical error, as it was clear that you did not actually intend the ...
Student corrected essay taking the position that competition is a destructive force in society. Error by error correction, with detailed explanations of errors and corrections explained.