I language and paraphrasing

1. Practicing ?I? language

Rewrite each of the evaluative ?you? language statements below using descriptive ?I? language. You will need to provide the detail on the type of behavior in your ?I? language statement which may fit the ?You statement? (see example below)

Be sure to include:

1. Describe the other person?s behavior using very specific and objective language.
2. Share your thoughts and feelings that occur when you experience the behavior.
3. Take responsibility for your thoughts and feelings. (remember, no one makes you feel something, you choose to feel that emotion)
4. Share the consequences the other person?s behavior has for you
5. Avoid the use of absolute statements such as ?always? and ?never? as they promote defensiveness.

Example: You language: ?You don?t care about my feelings?
I language Statement: ?I felt hurt when you supported our co-worker Sarah for the promotion when I?ve worked here longer. I?m beginning to think that my work here may not be valued.?

You do not need to include thoughts, feelings, and consequences in every statement. Adapt your message to what you perceive will have the greatest impact on your imaginary recipient.

1. ?You are a horrible student.?

?I? language statement:

2. ?You don?t know how to drive ?

?I? language statement:

3. ?You drink too much.?

?I? language statement:

2. Paraphrasing Exercise
In your response, you will need to use one of the three approaches offered in the text for restating the thoughts and feelings of the speaker: change the wording, offer an example of what you think the speaker is talking about, and reflect the underlying theme of the speaker?s remarks

Example

Speaker: ?I just found out that our boss is scheduling individual meetings with all of the employees that report to her. That doesn?t sound very good to me.?

Paraphrase: ?So you are worried you may lose your job because your company may have told her to lay off some of her staff??

1. Speaker: ?I can?t believe it! She says she wants to spend more time with me and then she says I?m smothering her!?

Paraphrase:

2. Speaker: ?We can?t decide whether to buy a house now that interest rates are so low. I just don?t know if that is a good thing for us to do right now.?

Paraphrase:

3. Speaker: ?I can?t believe my boss is asking me to work late again. Once I took the promotion and became a salaried employee everything changed.?

Paraphrase: