Explore BrainMass

Theory of Attachment

Below is the posting of a young woman on a website that asks strangers for advice about relationships. Im curious what, if you think anything suggests a pattern of attachment -- secure or insecure attachment -- in this adult, intimate relationship. If insecure, what kind of insecure pattern is apparent?

There is no one absolute answer -- Im trying to figure out how to make an assessment, and back it up with reasoning and understanding using the attachment theory. The point is to demonstrate understanding, not to make a definitive assessment of this young woman (which we can't do without a lot more information).

Earlier this year, I found out my boyfriend has been hiding from me a sexual fetish and he has been watching porn of this sexual nature. He has a smoking fetish. I don't smoke, and he never told me about it in the year we were dating. He said he wouldn't watch it anymore and that I helped him through it, but I know he's still attracted to it and I still have issues with it. It hurts me that what he wants is a promiscuous girl who smokes, and I am not this type. It's caused me to rebel a lot lately, and I really love him and only want him but the sheer anger almost makes me want to cheat just to get back at him. A lot of times I get irrationally angry and hurt towards him and I really think this is the underlying issue. Prior to this discovery if you will, he has made me insecure about my weight and looks because I am a short dark haired girl, and he normally prefers tall blondes or redheads. He checks out other girls in front of me sometimes, which makes me really upset because it is this underlying message that I am not what gets him off. He tells me all the time how attractive I am, but I still have this pain underneath it all. What do you suggest I do to make myself feel better? Aside from these problems we have a loving happy relationship. Bottom line is it really hurts me that he watched/watches porn and couldn't be open and honest with me about what he liked, all the while making me feel insecure because I knew intuitively something just wasn't right.

Solution Preview

Attachment approach to case study- couples therapy

1. Attachment issues in the boyfriend- using attachment theory to conceptualize boyfriend- is there possible attachment issues between mother and son? How did she represent female to him? How does he view women, role of women? How does he relate to women? These are some important assessment questions when you do your clinical interview. I would also suggest administering some projective personality tests such as the Rorschach or TAT to gain more insight to these questions.

2. Attachment approach to girlfriend- what was her ...

Solution Summary

This solution conceptualizes the case of a couple where the female feels insecure due to boyfriends sexual fetish- pornography and flirtations. References used are included.