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Effective business sentences

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I need help with the following practice exercise.

Directions: Revise these sentences so that they are an effective business sentence. You do not have to write the original sentences, just your rewrites, but the sentences must be grammatically correct and carry the same meaning as the original.

1. Because we need more space for our new inventory, we're staging a two-for-one sale.

2. So that we may bring our customer records up-to-date and eliminate the expense of duplicate mailings, we are asking you to complete the enclosed card.

3. If you had listened to our agent more carefully, you would know that your policy does not cover accidents outside the United States.

4. The salary we are offering is commensurate with other managers' remuneration.

5. Pursuant to your invitation, we will interrogate our agent.

6. It would not be inadvisable for you to affix your signature at this point in time.

7. Our Accounting Department takes this opportunity to inform you that we have credited your account for the aforementioned sum.

8. There are four new menu items we must promote.

9. It is perfectly clear that meetings held on a monthly basis are most effective.

10. Each and every employee may change and alter their schedule to accommodate customer business.

11. As for the area of athletic shoes, the degree of profits sagged.

12. This is to inform you that we have a toll-free service line.

13. We must conduct an investigation of all parking violations before we can give consideration to your fine.

14. Pursuant to your request, enclosed please find a job application.

15. Your goal should be to write business messages that are concise, clear, and written with courteousness.

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Solution Preview

This how I would write them.

1. Because we need more space for our new inventory, we're staging a two-for-one sale.
We are staging a 2 for 1 sale to create more space for new inventory.

2. So that we may bring our customer records up-to-date and eliminate the expense of duplicate mailings, we are asking you to complete the enclosed card.
As we continue to bring our customer records up-to-date and eliminating duplicate mailings, we ask you to complete the enclosed card.

3. If you had listened to our agent more carefully, you would know that your policy does not cover accidents outside ...

Solution Summary

Effective business sentences are provided. Duplicate expense mailing are given.

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See Also This Related BrainMass Solution

Effective communication in business

1. Which of the following sentences covers its contents in the most roundabout way?

(a) It is the president's belief that a recession is near.
(b) The president believes a recession is near.
(c) The president thinks a recession is near.
(d) A recession is near, believes the president.
(e) The president thinks a recession is coming.

2. Mark the best concluding remarks that immediately precede the "sincerely yours" in a business message.

(a) Hoping to hear from you soon, I remain . . . .
(b) Assuring you of our cooperation, we remain . . . .
(c) Thanking you in advance for your cooperation . . . .
(d) We beg to remain . . . .
(e) I appreciate your prompt handling of this request

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