Humpty Dumpty was pushed. - Unknown How come there's only one Monopolies Commission? - Unknown "Television won't matter in your lifetime or mine." - Radio Times editor Rex Lambert, 1936 "Everything worthwhile has already been invented." - director of the US Patent Office, 1899. "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." - Mitch Ratliffe "Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow." - Jeff Valdez "Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning." - Rich Cook "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country." - Gen. George S. Patton "The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. 'Come on, buddy, let's go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he's got a spoon. Back off. I've got the toe clippers right here.'" - Jerry Seinfeld There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. - Salvador Dali "Radio has no future." "X-rays are clearly a hoax." "The aeroplane is scientifically impossible." - Royal Society president Lord Kelvin, 1897-9. "The atom bomb will never go off - and I speak as an expert in explosives." - U.S. Admiral William Leahy in 1945. this fortune would be seven words long if it were six words shorter. - Unknown